I often get this question…”So, are you fluent?” And, with each time it’s asked, I do believe that God chips away just a tiny little chunk of whatever pride in my own abilities might remain. Because, you see, the truth is…I AM NOT FLUENT!!! There. I have told you all. I feel the pressure just being lifted off my shoulders as I type!

I had high expectations when we first packed our bags and moved to this country.  I remembered being around foreigners in public places in the States, listening to them babble in their native language and thinking…“HOW RUDE!  Aren’t they in America now?  Why aren’t they learning English?  They are probably just talking about us and don’t want us to hear!  How LONG have they been here anyway?” Yes, it’s horrible…the heat is creeping up my neck and into my face as I write!  Consequently, I decided that I would not be those people when we moved overseas.  Yet, we have been here 7 years and a guy at the market today commented about me, “You must be new here!”  Ahhh.

I also remember a family from Russia that lived two apartments down from my husband and I when we were still in school.  A neighbor had suggested that I go and spend some time with her.  She said that she seemed lonely and didn’t know very much English.  At the time, I was at home with my new twin babies, and I heard through the grapevine that she was just dying  to see them.  Guess what?  I was chicken.  I was too much of a coward to invite her over for a cup of tea because I didn’t know what we would talk about.

So, what have I learned on the other side of the fence? I have learned that people are people no matter what language they speak. I have learned that deep down, we all have similar goals and dreams for life.  A healthy family, a decent job, and friends we can count on.  I have learned that my own culture isn’t necessarily better, it is just different.

I would bet my left arm (or maybe my husband’s left arm!) that all of you come in regular contact with people from other culture’s during your week.  The waitress at your favorite Chinese dive.  The Hispanic kids in your class.  The doctor that you visit monthly and wonder at his strange accent.  Well, I know for a fact that those people wake up daily and brush their teeth just like you!  And I also know that they have families, and dreams and desires for their lives.  Here are some things that have helped me along the way to break the ice and start new friendships with those that are unique from me.

1. Invite them home! I have yet to hear of a single culture that does not drink coffee.  And, unfortunately, Americans have a reputation for not being very hospitable with foreigners.

2. If it is hard to communicate…use pictures. This is a standard first for new friends that we invite over.  I bring out wedding pictures, baby books, and pictures of extended family.  If you are invited to their home, ask to see pictures from their homeland and their family.  We all love to show off our loved ones!

3.  Show interest in their culture. Ask questions about special ceremonies like weddings, births and engagements.  You might be surprised to find yourself hooked on your friend’s stories like they were the latest episode of LOST.

4.  Be patient with language. How does the saying go…until you have walked a mile in his shoes? Moving around the world, learning to do EVERYTHING differently…evening buying milk…can be extremely stressful.  And, everyone has a unique aptitude for language learning.  Some people will always find it hard to have perfect grammar.  For some, grammar will come, but the accent will always sound like the guys singing “Deck the Halls” in the Chinese restaurant in A Christmas Story….”fa ra ra ra ra…”  I am afraid I fit this category in Turkish!  Sigh.

5.  Offer help. You could make a great friend by offering  to help with learning English, filling out a job application, or showing them how coupons work at the grocery store.  I must say that the friends I have made here in Turkey are very loyal and accepting.  You might find that too!

Well, friends…I hope these insights help.  Let’s stop being intimidated by differences.  Bridging that gulf is definitely something worth achieving.

Tash