“Mommy, What Does Sünnet Mean?”
Posted by Tash on April 16th, 2010 . Filed under: New Things .O.k. friends. Just to let you know upfront, you are not going to need to apply your rosy tint this morning, for I am going to make you all blush more than a new bride on her wedding day. But, have no fear. I mean to totally take a rather objective look at a very important rite of passage that actually takes it’s roots in ancient Judaism.
Recently, my daughter came to me and asked, “Mommy, what does sünnet mean?” Now, we are the Kohlmann family, thus nothing can be done easily, painlessly, emotionlessly, etc. etc. My reply was, “Well, sünnet is the Turkish word for circumcision.” Annabelle then asked, “What is circumcision?” I was really hoping that the logical second question would not follow the first! I was actually shocked that she was still unclear on this issue being that we have attended so many ritual celebrations here. My reply followed, “Well, remember how we have been to parties for little boys here and they get to wear a fancy outfit and ride around in the cool car? What they do is perform a minor surgery to remove the top layer of skin on the boys—uh hum–wee wee.” (This is a universally accepted scientific term.)
Did the issue end here with my daughter having a light-bulb type of expression on her face? NO. Remember, we are the Kohlmann family. That child promptly yelled for her twin brother, “Jaaaackk!!!!!!” and went running from the room. Then I hear, “Guess what they’re gonna do to YOU!!!!!???” After which my son comes running to the kitchen with a pale, even pasty look on his face. ”Mom!!!!” I said, “Jack, it’s o.k. You don’t have to worry, we already had this done to you when you were just born.” Jack’s reply? “WHAAATTT????!!!!!” I have never seen such a look of pure, horrified offense on that boy’s face. After a couple of minutes of explaining that lots of men have had the same procedure, including all of his Turkish friends and Daddy, he put one hand to his forehead as if wiping sweat off of his face, and said, “Whew!!” Two weeks later, I am still laughing.
“So,” you ask, “what is the tradition there?” From what I have been able to learn from my friends, the typical Turkish boy is circumcised between the ages of 8 and 12. It seems that it is not specifically required or commanded in the Koran, but is a general accepted tradition in Muslim countries. When I first arrived here, I honestly was appalled to hear that it was done at such a late age. However, after years of observance, I can now objectively look at the benefits that come in this culture. The boy is treated like a prince for a couple of weeks during the procedure (and usually a numbing agent is used as well as pain meds), and during the celebration time. And celebrate they do! Most Turkish families worry about saving for the circumcision party much the same as a wedding. The immediate family will wear formal attire, hire a photographer, rent a banquet hall, hire a DJ, and cake and drinks. In our city, often the family will rent a classic, red Cheyy convertible and ride the boy around town, honking the horn with a procession of family following in cars behind. The boy will dress in formal costume, and at the end a ribbon is placed around his neck where all the guests can pin on gold or money. The family gets a wad of cash, and the boy gets a very important 
ceremony that ushers his rite of passage into manhood.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not advocating boyhood circumcisions. I am still thankful that this is over and done with for my son. But, I do wonder at the lack of a “rite of passage” celebration for our boys in American culture. Robert Lewis speaks out on this topic in his book, “Raising a Modern Day Knight.” So, I have begun to think about how we are going to mark these times in our children’s lives. I would love to hear some feedback on this topic.
I must be done. Time to tackle the day!
Tash
April 16th, 2010 at 4:29 am
Wow! I had NO idea! Interesting. And very good question! I’ll have to ponder that one…
April 16th, 2010 at 5:46 am
Love this. Recently had to explain that to my girls. Hey, it’s in the Bible. It comes up! Talk to Sue Lorenz…I remember when they did something for Sarah as she turned 13 I think, surely they did something for Matt too. I have also read some of Hal & Melanie Young’s ideas about how they treat their sons as men when they turn 13…trying to remember the name of their book. They are a local homeschooling family with lots of wisdom to share.
April 16th, 2010 at 11:45 am
When our girls turned 13 (well we still have 1 turning 13 this year – 2 down, 1 to go!) I prepared a box for them and had people that they have known and have loved them write letters to them for the “legacy of Biblical womanhood” to be passed from women far more wiser than me to my girls. I do this on their 13th birthday because it’s their first official step into teenagerdom (I made that word up – if others use it, they are copying me
hehe). I collect the letters from various people during the months preceeding their 13th birthday and prepare a special box (either decoupage one with colors/things they like or find one that’s very beautiful and reflects their personality and fill it w/tissue paper and confetti in colors that they enjoy). I place the letters in the box with the one from me on top and during a quite time, usually right before bed or first thing in the morning, I present them with their box. Our oldest girls have loved theirs and, during times of discouragement, heartbreak or turmoil, have taken great comfort in the letters of love they have in their boxes and have read and reread them over and over again. They have even added special things they’ve collected since then to their boxes to make it more special.
I don’t have boys so I can’t help ya there but my girls seem to really treasure their boxes. It’s usually the only thing they get on that birthday and it’s usually the perfect gift.
Maybe there is something similar that could be done for a guy – afraid I’m clueless on that one!
<3 k
April 16th, 2010 at 12:42 pm
Love where you took this…I DO think that our children would benefit from a formal, ceremonial recognition of their adulthood. While that’s just a beginning, it’d be a great way to get across the importance of being a man or a woman and the responsibilities and privileges that go along with it.
April 16th, 2010 at 1:29 pm
Great idea Kimber…
April 17th, 2010 at 12:05 am
Well after a little bit of good-natured laughing at your expense, bless you Tash, I can’t help but by fascinated by the culture in which you live. I think it’s a good point you make about the lack of “rites of passage” in much of our own culture. My Jewish friends have the bar mitzvah/bat mitzvah, my Hispanic friends have the quinceanera for their girls, my Latter Day Saint friends have the ordination to the priesthood for young men and it’s a big deal…but on the whole we really don’t have a collective rite of passage. Probably because the US is such a dynamic mix of cultures. I guess it’s up to most folks to institute their own family traditions. I’ll be interested to see what ya come up with in the future!
April 19th, 2010 at 5:17 pm
Well after a little bit of good-natured laughing at your expense, bless you Tash, I can’t help but by fascinated by the culture in which you live. I think it’s a good point you make about the lack of “rites of passage” in much of our own culture. My Jewish friends have the bar mitzvah/bat mitzvah, my Hispanic friends have the quinceanera for their girls, my Latter Day Saint friends have the ordination to the priesthood for young men and it’s a big deal…but on the whole we really don’t have a collective rite of passage. Probably because the US is such a dynamic mix of cultures. I guess it’s up to most folks to institute their own family traditions. I’ll be interested to see what ya come up with in the future!
June 7th, 2010 at 12:44 pm
Just saw this show up on Google. The name of our book is Raising Real Men: Surviving, Teaching and Appreciating Boys. We do discuss the need for a rite of passage and tell about what we and others have done — and lots more!
Good discussion!
Melanie
July 2nd, 2010 at 8:03 pm
Thanks for commenting Melanie…I’ll have to look at the book!
August 15th, 2010 at 12:33 am
Tash. LOL. Your story of how your little boy reacted made me laugh.
I have just been to my three nephews sunet party. One was aged 8, the other aged 4 and the other was just 7 months so he really did not understand what his cute little Sultan suit meant. In all, it was a good day and the lads had the procedure a week before at the hospital so they were in quite high spirits.